Do I really need to lose weight for my wedding day?

Would you ever just randomly ask your friend if they were planning to lose weight? Or, to make things even more awkward, would you ask someone who is practically a stranger? Unless you are one of the more socially forward types, I'm guessing the answer is no.

So why is it, that the second you have an engagement ring on your finger, this suddenly becomes the question that you get asked constantly? Literally...by everyone. From your closest friend to passing strangers, they all seem to want to know what your goal weight is for the big day. Perhaps it comes from a caring standpoint of wanting to help you feel your best on your wedding day and an assumption that shedding a few pounds will get you there. One would certainly like to think so. But I can't help but wonder why? Last time I checked, my fiance was aware that he was not asking a tall, willowy beauty to marry him but instead a chunky, short girl was his choice and he was okay with that. Well I certainly hope so otherwise the ring giving was probably slightly inappropriate! I also imagine that this is generally the case for all couples at this pinnacle moment. From this assumption we can guess that said other half does not hold the expectation or the want for their future bride to be panicking about losing weight before the big day. They love how they look at that moment. They are perfect, just the way they are...in full on Bridget Jones style.

Yet there seems to be such a huge expectation that all brides must be below a certain size for their wedding day. Personally I think the wedding industry itself plays a huge part in this. The fact that the average size of British women these days is a 16 yet the vast majority of bridal shops only carry sample wedding dresses in sizes 8-12 kind of says something. Now to make myself clear, I am not saying that it's wrong to want to lose weight for your wedding day or that bridal shops should only carry larger sizes instead. I simply think that at a time when you should be able to bask in the glow of being loved for exactly who you are, the absolute last thing you should feel is pressure to change how you look.

Now I wasn't one of those girls who always dreamed of her wedding dress. To be honest until my partner proposed I hadn't really even thought of what type of wedding I wanted. But I did at least have a picture in my mind of what the wedding dress search would be like. It would be all smiles and laughs, glasses of champagne and prancing around in an array of gorgeous dresses. Sadly my wedding dress search was a far more stressful experience. Dress after dress that I put on would barely fit over my ample arse, let alone do up. I was encouraged to "imagine" what it would look like but who wants to buy what is probably the most expensive dress you will ever wear based on imagining what it would look like? Not to mention how horribly soul destroying it is to not find a single thing in the shop that will actually fit you. As I have said, I am not the smallest of people but I am certainly not wildly outside of standard sizes. I buy my clothes in high street stores and I don't even need to go to plus size shops so I was utterly bewildered by the fact that I couldn't find a dress that would fit me.

I started to get incredibly worried that I would look awful on my wedding day if I didn't lose weight. I sat and planned what exercise regime I needed to follow, what I would eat for the next two years, how much I could theoretically lose in that time. I joined Weightwatchers and the lady who ran it pronounced that she could have me five dress sizes down before my wedding date. I was then left thinking...oh god, do I need to lose five dress sizes!? Needless to say it wasn't exactly the glowing feeling I was hoping for.

Fast forward a year and a half later and being the rather rubbish dieter that I am I haven't exactly made any huge difference to my weight. Certainly not the five dress sizes I supposedly needed. I had been putting off going for another wedding dress search for such a long time, thinking eventually I would be the size I needed to be before choosing. But then it dawned on me. I have 6 months till my wedding. It's pretty safe to say my body is not going to radically change in that time. Plus the rather obvious need to get a wedding dress on order...thinking of that initially made me panic but slowly I realised actually, screw this! I'm going to find my perfect dress and I'm going to look darn good on my wedding day, dress size be damned.

So in I strolled to a bridal shop. Once again the dresses didn't really fit but this time, smiles and laughter were most definitely present. My mum and my sister were the perfect cheerleaders and the presence of champagne was certainly a pleasant addition...and what happened? I found my perfect dress. Yes I had a momentary wobble that I might still be too big when I looked at the photos of me wearing it. But the more and more I look at these photos the more I think actually, I look pretty good. I think one of the main reasons for that is because I was enjoying myself. I was happy and not standing there thinking about how fat my arms are or how my waist should be smaller or the fact that I'm not the "perfect" size.

So yes, I will be a fat bride but you know what? Who the hell cares. That feeling of acceptance is so freeing. I suddenly feel so much more comfortable about how I will look on my wedding day and I think I will actually look even better for it. After all, what is more attractive than a person brimming with confidence and feeling their best? It doesn't matter what size you are, if you have that glow of happiness you will be a beautiful bride. So if you are reading this right now and have been agonizing over changes you "need" to make before the big day, stop. Just give yourself a second to remember that you do not need to be a certain number on the scale to be beautiful. And for me? The man who's opinion truly matters loves me for who I am and how I look right now and that means more to me than any sample size dress horror ever could.

Be A Flamingo Among the Pigeons

It's a bit of an odd title isn't it. I'm sure you are wondering if it's some kind of new makeup or a bizarre marketing strategy. Truth is, it's neither. This is going to be a little different from the posts I have put up before so bear with me...

I've been pretty happy with how my blog is going so far. It's quite new, it's all exciting and I'm enjoying the fact that I have a place to write about the things I love. I’ve already been incredibly lucky with some brand collaboration and blogger event opportunities and am amazed that I have had so much interest so early on. It’s really been a delightful whirlwind. But… I still felt like something was missing. Annoyingly though, I couldn't quite put my finger on what. 

Are there too many reviews? Do I need to do more tutorials? Are my pictures boring? Do I need that marble background that everyone is using…oh and possibly a cactus? Cue panicked reading of approximately 25,604,703 blogs on how to blog / how to perfect your photographs / what your blog is missing / how you are a failure of a newbie blogger and have been doing everything wrong and will never succeed unless you buy an entirely white house with strategically placed items of beauty. Ok so the last one might be a slight exaggeration but you get the idea.

Suffice to say the message was pretty constant on things I “need” to do to improve. During this rather intense reading session, I was lucky enough to stumble across Sophie etc. Sophie recently wrote an AMAZING post "On chasing perfection & being an ideal blogger" (If you haven’t read it… really, you should!) and talked about how she was frustrated that a lot of bloggers are almost losing their identity as they seem to be following a standard set of do’s and don’ts. Within the post, she used the delightful phrase “A flamingo among a flock of pigeons” to encourage bloggers to write about what they want, rather than just following the “rules” and it really resonated with me.

Granted there will always be things that are probably best not to do (the whole #bloggerblackmail scandal anyone?!), but outside of that, isn’t one of the greatest things about the internet and blogging specifically the fact that there aren’t really any rules? That you can be who you want to be without fear of reprisal. That you can express your thoughts and dreams and yes that £50 makeup brush that you know you shouldn’t buy but god dammit life is short so it’s now in my possession. So why are we following standard guidelines of what every blog should do in what is supposed to be the most all-encompassing platform available? And that got me thinking…why do we need this outlet of wild, internetty goodness anyway when our lives are our own? For hopefully the vast majority of the world these days, we are free to live as we please, create our own path and be who we want. Yet I think in some ways we actually feel more stifled than ever. Why is that you may ask? I have one word for you my friends…expectations.

Yes we are technically free but in reality I think all of us feel at least some pressure of achieving certain things to feel like we are “good enough”. Now these things could vary hugely, as does where you actually feel the pressure from. It could be from your parents to go to university because that is the “right” path to the “right” job. It could be wearing that particular dress because your friends think you wear “weird” clothes. Or it could even be as far as having a child because you have been told you are the “correct” age and you have a partner so that’s what you are expected to do next right?

Now don’t get me wrong, all of those things I have mentioned above can be perfectly lovely things. Going to uni, getting married, wearing fashionable clothes, having babies and a myriad of other life experiences are all fabulous things IF, and this is a big if, they are what YOU want. Not your Aunty, your best friend or the designer of the month. You. Encouragement and guidance from others is a wonderful thing and that should really be enjoyed as it can help us to achieve things we didn’t think we’d be capable of. But if you are starting to be pushed away from what you would actually like to be or do then it’s starting to go wrong. 

Sometimes I think we can get so lost in what is expected of us that we forget who it is that we want to be. You shouldn’t feel that unless you have checked off A, B and C you have failed and you certainly shouldn’t feel like you need to be the same as everyone else to be “good enough”. Cheesy though it may sound, the true excitement in this world comes from the variety of people in it. So if we all strive to be exactly the same to fit in, and we don’t take that leap of spontaneity or creativity, then life could become a pretty boring place. It’s lovely when you click with someone and agree on lots of things isn’t it? But what if they had the same hair as you and the same goals and the same outfit and the same views on EVERYTHING…am I making you feel a little queasy? Because it certainly gives me the shivers.

Now yes of course I am perhaps exaggerating things. Living up to expectations of society doesn’t mean that we are all going to become mindless clones but what I am trying to say is that we shouldn’t be afraid to be who we want to be. It shouldn’t be a terrifying thought to stand out from the crowd because you are something a little different or because you want to choose an alternative path. It’s something to be embraced and celebrated! 

That goes for all areas of life…with perhaps a few caveats so do be sensible about this but you know what I am saying. So if you want to blog about something utterly random do it, if you want to shave all of your hair off or change career or become a wanderer living on a mountain with only a goat for company, DO IT. Think carefully about the mountain living, goat thing though yeah? We only get to live once and life can be a bit of a dick sometimes so go on, do that thing you’ve always wondered about but were never brave enough for. Be a flamingo!